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It's not fair to the kids if you aren't going to stick around.A few months ago I went on a coffee date with a very wonderful woman and ever since then we have been seeing each other.So, we’ve been together for three months now and everything is going very, very well. And believe me, I am no angel and have plenty of my own issues.We have tons of shared interests, practice yoga together and, yes, go to all of the NYC organic restaurants. What is even more remarkable is that we have never had one argument since we started spending time together. The Situation She is divorced (well, right on the verge of it becoming legal and having all the papers signed) and has two very young children. “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. We went to Club 33 at Disneyland and he treated me to couples massages and pool time at the Four Seasons spa. I was starting to wonder what our relationship would look like when it became a story for four, instead of two. He gave me tennis lessons and I dragged him to yoga class. But my favorite thing was always cuddling on the couch and talking.The relationship of a girlfriend and her guy’s kids can be so complicated, with so many factors to consider. The kids might feel like they are being disloyal to their mother if they are kind to the girlfriend. They might be jealous that the girlfriend is taking their dad’s time. They might have hope that the parents are getting back together and that this is the woman standing in the way of that. They might really like the woman, but are just shy. She said she ended up apologizing to the woman years later, because she realized it wasn’t the woman she disliked, it was HER feeling resentful that her dad wasn’t with her mom. Dating someone with kids is very different than dating someone who doesn’t have kids.

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Knowing that I was moving back to a small town after years of living in cities, I looked at my therapist and said: "I can't date someone who has children. And while I was in love with both the man and the kid, I was totally lost. There is nothing wrong with single or divorced parents. But my friends back home in the small town I was moving back to? He had a son with his ex-girlfriend, who I also remember from my past.

In that post and in a follow-up one, I talked about my issue with her love of an occasional glass of wine and how it was really a “me problem”.

[…] A few months ago I went on a coffee date with a very wonderful woman and ever since then we have been seeing each other.

“I know it’s against your nature,” she said,”but when it comes to his kids, be a cat, not a dog. (Beth Reno)David’s daughters are sweet and smart, loving and funny and generous and affectionate … I tried to relax, think of the stretch of time ahead of us, remind myself there’s no rush.

You’re going to want to hug them and bond with them, but it’ll be better if you relax and hang back. I had already fallen in love with their father, so what would I do if they didn’t like me? “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. Because my own parents are divorced, I know what it’s like when Dad has a girlfriend.




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